Too many crappy Oliver Stone movies cluttering up your garage, shed, or closet space? Buy an Oliver Stone Conversion Machine, now on sale for only $29.99. If you call within the hour, we'll throw in a free mango! The Oliver Stone Conversion Machine converts rotten, smelly Oliver Stone movies into actual quality products! Here's how it works. Place the VHS, DVD, or film reel into the machine, press the button, and a much better replacement comes out. Here are some examples of recent conversions:
Seizure -> Hollywood Boulevard
The Hand -> Mad Love
Salvador -> The Quiet American
Platoon -> Full Metal Jacket
Wall Street -> Sweet Smell of Success
Talk Radio -> Aah, this one's actually not that bad
Born on the Fourth of July -> Who'll Stop the Rain
The Doors -> This Is Spinal Tap
JFK -> Report
Heaven & Earth -> go outside and get some fresh air
Natural Born Killers -> Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Nixon -> The Private Files of J. Edgar Hoover
U Turn -> Deliverance
Any Given Sunday -> Slap Shot
Alexander -> Glen or Glenda
World Trade Center -> The Battle of Algiers
W. -> any random YouTube clip of our current lame duck
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