Thursday, February 02, 2006

Dumb article written by dumbos about dumbshits

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. I don't have time to go over it, but pretty much every sentence is just about the dumbest thing ever. A few of the dumbest moments:

"From biopics to message films, audiences and creators alike seem to be drawn to 'reality'-based movies - both in content and technique, say those who teach, study, analyze, and criticize the film industry."

First of all, if biopics and message movies are your idea of "reality" (whatever the shit that is), you don't live on Earth. Secondly, if you were actually studying, analyzing, teaching, and/or criticizing films instead of the "film industry," well, you would be on the right track, but probably still making inane, irrelevant comments to the AP. We need a Vietnam War equivalent in academia, thin out some irrelevant, irrelevant motherfuckers quick.

"To some, Oscar night - and the movies it celebrates - has become a Rorschach test for a self-absorbed industry out of touch with mainstream tastes. Other culture watchers, though, insist that the cinematic tribute reflects, and even guides, America's collective direction and values."

Honestly, people like watching stars in purty dresses, and media hoopla tends to draw crowds. That's all it is. It can't be out of touch with mainstream tastes when nothing is more middlebrow and mainstream, and it sure as hell doesn't reflect and guide our collective direction and values. Thanks for inventing a fake story and commenting on it, "film industry" experts. Well, goodnight, everybody. I'm going to go back to my critique of the "music industry" now. Is it out of touch with Joe Schmoe, or does it guide, shape, and reflect his direction and values? What about whacking off? I study that, too. Listen to this vexing proposition. Is masturbation only for the hoity-toity, or is it also enjoyed by the hoi polloi?

6 comments:

Spacebeer said...

"American movie audiences are growing up and getting real, because they feel reality is where they can move forward in their lives."

Um, yes. Most of my life does occur in reality. I tried moving forward in the fantasy world of Kangaroo Jack and Deuce Bialow 2: European Gigalo, but I just didn't get anywhere.

I scoffed throughout this article. Scoffed heartily.

Plop Blop said...

I want more bio-pics about fire-breathing dragons! "Reign of Fire 2: The Rise and Tragic Fall of Some Famous Dragon" would totally move me forward in my life.

Old Stallion said...

Kangaroo Jack is awesome. The Kangaroo raps. It didn't really rap though because the rap scene was a really a dream sequence. I guess Kangaroo Jack isn't that awesome after all, he only talked in the guy's dreams. Wait, I think he might of talked at the end of movie too! If he did, he totally destroyed the divide between dreams and reality. The movie blow my mind--and guides my values.

casual ninja said...

i have video footage of several dragons learning to dance to the kangaroo jack dance instruction video. keep on my good side jackasses or that badboy sees press.

Mary P. said...

Dear Film-Watching Robot,

After watching Manhunter last night, I was wondering: why is it that all red heads are jerks in movies? Is this true for real life?

Thanks,
A brunette-4-ever

Josh Krauter said...

Hollywood is afraid of redheads. They wish they had red hair, so they take it out on us by making us look like jerks. They can't handle our red hair. Redhead power is too powerful. They have to oppress it, because they can't contain it! Whoo!

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